I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
