then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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