I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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