So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
