tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
