for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
