I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As shirtless as possible
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
