There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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