I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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