I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
