i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
