I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
