his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
