i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
