He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
