I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
