Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
