Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
