Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
