Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
