a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
