is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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