Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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