Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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