i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
