brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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