yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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