Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
