Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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