Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
