i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
