Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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