Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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