i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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