dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
