Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
