Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
