Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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