So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
