yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
