and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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