I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
