tell your sister to shave her snatch
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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