Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
