Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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