It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
