He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
