He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
