we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What drink are we having for lunch?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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