i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
