Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
