people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
