I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
