Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
