as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone came in the potted fern
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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