this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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