you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
