and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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