put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
