I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
