just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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