3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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