so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
