Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
