by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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