Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
